Since I challenged the ASU men’s gymnastics team to a pommel horse circle competition a few months ago I’ve learned a great lesson about flexibility.  I was training on a mushroom leading up to the day I went into the gym, but after doing 74 circles on the mushroom I was only able to do 46 circles on the pommel horse when I went to the gym.

Then I began training with the mushroom top on the floor, but after a week or two I hit a barrier at 39 circles and realized that my inflexible wrists were preventing me from keeping my legs straight.  Because of this, I decided to stop doing circles and focus on my wrist flexibility.  I decided that I would be ready to do circles again when I was able to hold a handstand for a minute or two, so that was my goal and today I did a press handstand, got it on film, and posted my first video on Youtube:

This week I found the best video I have seen in a long time. It is a beautiful illustration of the power of empathy to change the world, one relationship at a time. The movie is called validation and is a bit of a play on words - the setting points to free parking validation but the main character validates people using empathy and compliments to help them smile. I enjoyed it very much, it is very uplifting for anyone that likes to be encouraged (I don’t know anyone who doesn’t!).

I was inspired by the movie and attracted two different experiences that same day which emphasized the miraculous emotional healing that empathy can provide in relationships.

My wife Candice had been outside in the heat (yes heat, this is Phoenix in Nov) with one of our kids at a field trip with 47 1st-3rd graders that day (during her moon cycle), so she was a bit out of sorts. All the kids seemed to be asking her for things at once while she was getting dinner ready and she was trying to tell me about her frustrating day.

I really didn’t want to hear about it, but I made a conscious decision to show empathy by repeating what she had said in my own words - “You’ve been through a lot today and you just want a break, with some peace and quiet.”

Candice instantly lit up and gave me a big hug, then she didn’t say anything more about it - I was amazed!

Later while eating dinner Nickalus (who is 2) came to me crying:

“Bupaheay!
Bubahed!!
Bupaheyad!!!”

Finally I got the idea - “Oh, did you bump your head?”
“Yeaaah…” (as he nodded emphatically).
“That’s a bummer.” I replied, at which point he promptly calmed down and walked away.

It was as if I waved a magic wand and mended broken hearts with my words! Incredible!

I found an interesting book yesterday which uses empathy as part of the initial steps in the advice given to help people get their ex back. If you watch the first video on the page describing the Magic of Making Up, you’ll see how empathy is used in that situation - though it goes a bit further in agreeing with the other side of an argument, but the essence of showing an understanding of their position is really empathy at work - like magic.

We had a birthday party for our youngest child yesterday and something happened which reinforced the middle name we gave him.  Candice had bought a birthday cake that morning and I put it on the counter by the stove pushed against the back wall in a corner of the kitchen.  About an hour later, while I was outside cleaning up the yard, Candice came out of the house holding Hani out by his arms while he wiggled like the whirling dervish that he is, and said:

“This is why you don’t put cake on the counter!”

While Candice was on the phone, Hani had come to her holding the cake upside down (luckily it was in a plastic container he couldn’t open) and shaking it, saying “Cake!  Cake!” - apparently he had moved a chair from the table across the room to the counter right where the cake was in the back corner, then just climbed up and retrieved his prize.

Hani’s middle name is Fungasa, which means “liberate yourself”.  I took his picture (above) a few days ago while he was practicing his Harley style of freedom.

You can get help finding your own freedom here.

First let me provide some context for this story. As you can see below, we have a collection of messy eaters. We leave food on the table after meals because the kids may return to finish it later. In this picture I found Hani cleaning up after everyone’s breakfast (he was hungry that day). There’s a tablecloth on in this picture but Nickalus used to use tablecloths to pull everyone’s bowl to him (the ones that didn’t fall off the table on the way) before he learned to get out of his seat, so we stopped using tablecloths except for special occasions.

As you can imagine the table gets layers of encrusted food (sort of like stalagmites) that get thicker over time and become very difficult to clean. One day when Candice was talking with a preschool teacher, she learned about a good way to clean up tables with shaving cream.

I even saw Demitri’s kindergarten teacher using shaving cream on a table with the students so they could write letters in it at the parents night last fall. So we decided we would make a game of it and have all the kids clean the table one Sunday morning before breakfast. We put all the kids at the table and squirted a bunch of shaving cream on it and told them to play in it. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves and I got a few good pictures.

Nickalus got some on his face and decided to try and lick it off - luckily his tongue is not long enough to reach. He must have gotten into some leftover pizza before breakfast that day, which explains the red sauce all over his face.

Then Demitri had the great idea to wash his hair with the shaving cream - which is fine since then we didn’t need to use shampoo later

Then Nickalus wanted to be like Demitri - or was it Nickalus who started it? I can’t remember. But Nickalus’ hair is so fine that he didn’t need any water to make suds.

Finally, after about half an hour of “cleaning” the table and subsequent baths in the sink for at least a couple of the kids (the ones with shaving cream in their hair also got their hair washed), we wiped up the table and it was so clean you could see your reflection in it!

We got the movie “Wall-E” for Christmas this past year, and the kids really love it.  We’ve seen it over a dozen times in the past few months.  One day when the kids were bored Candice got creative and told them they could make a Wall-E costume so they could play Wall-E (which means try to act, speak, dress, walk, and anything else like that character - in this case Wall-E).  So with their help and suggestions, she took an old laundry hamper and cut holes in it for the arms, head, and the door in the front (where he carried items in the movie, like the plant).  I took some pictures of our oldest son (who is 7) Kayin modeling the costume, which they have enjoyed for a few weeks now (even the babies try it on).

Here is a picture of Kayin standing up in the costume. This is like when Wall-E is riding around on his treads exploring the world. Candice used some electrical tape to keep the edges of the holes from tearing more and it’s a nice border. With these colors it is a little like a pumpkin costume, but we didn’t have a dirty yellow colored one (which would match Wall-E’s paint better).

In the next picture (to the left) Kayin is showing how the costume looks when Wall-E closes up into a box, to protect him when he is scared or when a dust storm is passing through. This is a rather round box, but that’s ok - some things are easy for children to imagine.

Finally, below Kayin is demonstrating the front door into which all sorts of treasures can be collected and deposited.

This version of the costume has no “floor”, so anything placed into the compartment will just fall to the ground, but that could be an improvement in version 2. The front flap is made from a piece of cardboard that is attached to the opening with electrical tape (or maybe black duct tape, I don’t remember). Like many of the best toys, this costume was home-made.

This is a poem that I wrote to my Grandma Pat Walker who is dearly called Grammy. I wrote if for her 50th Wedding Annivesary this month. Hope you enjoy it as much as she did.
—Candice

Grammy Knows
by Candice Davis

“Grammy Knows…”
She says to me.
Brown eyes determined.
Brow crinkling up with aging wisdom.
Warm full lips smile
A heart filled with Love, Laughter, Life.

“Grammy Knows”
I ponder it.
Knows the love of one man for 50 years.
Knows that burnt first suppers turn into
Finger smacking-fried chicken
And pots of shrimp fried rice.

“Grammy Knows”
I ponder it.
Knows the joy that labor brings.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…no 7 beautiful beings
On wings of love sent from above.
Knows the tears.
The fears
The prayers
The cheers
When all is said and grown.

“Grammy Knows”
I ponder it.
Knows holding loved one’s hand till the end.
Knows Popsicles make stitches remove easier.
Knows band-aids and bicycles are mother’s Best friends.
Knows when to let go
And when to let God.

“Grammy Knows”
I ponder it.
Knows that love comes in all
Shapes.
Sizes.
Colors.
Races.
Religions.
Whether you be
A plant.
A dog.
A husband.
A child
A adopted great-grandson
A daughter-in-law
A creature of this Earth.

GRAMMY KNOWS…LOVE.

“Grammy Knows…”
She says to me.
Brown eyes determined.
Brow crinkling up with aging wisdom.
Warm full lips smile
A heart filled with love, laughter, life.

“Grammy Knows.”
I ponder it…
That I may know it too
One day.

Yesterday I woke up in the morning and spent a few moments thinking about things I appreciate. My thoughts naturally moved to the hawks living in the treetops of our neighborhood, because I’d been wanting to get some good pictures of them to share ever since Candice caught them stretched out in the sun a week ago (once I came outside they were gone). So I was feeling good and imagining what they must look like in the morning when they open their wings to feel the sun, and I was remembering the times I had seen dozens of them flying over our house.

A few hours later, after helping get a few groceries inside from the car, I looked up and saw this:

Luckily they posed for me long enough to get a picture:) After they were done stretching, they took off, and I got another good picture of them below:

I love watching the birds. If you’d like to attract some more beautiful birds into your yard you can try using some Wild Bird Food Recipes.

I got my mushroom today, and I love it.  It’s been 7 years since my last gymnastics competition (as a collegiate gymnast at ASU, see www.sundevilgymnastics.com for a look at that program).  I got one from Amazon, similar to the one in the picture.
It may take a little while for my wrists to get used to the pressure again, but I am very happy about it - it feels good to move.  The kids were all excited too, but it may be awhile before they make it all the way around:)

Nov 1st Update: My coach from college (Scott Barclay) saw this post and suggested I compete in the next Rocky Mountain Open on Pommel Horse. That is mainly a collegiate competition that is open for anyone to compete. This coming January is a bit soon for that since we just moved across the country, but I’m thinking that in January 2010 I can plan for it. I figure if I get back in shape physically and get a good circle, I’ll be able to do one of my old routines once I get there. We have a park nearby with bars I can swing on with my kids to build up some callouses again, so I expect to be able to do it:)

Nov 22nd Update: I learned after about a week that if I didn’t warm up sufficiently, my wrists would hurt too much to do any circles (or at least enjoyably). So after a week off to let my wrists recover I started doing some pullups on my chinning bar, dips on my kids’ monkey bars, leg raises, and a type of yoga that I can’t remember the name of - just to get warmed up so I could do some circles. Today (after warming up) I did two sets of 20 circles and just about passed out.

I remember observing one of my teammates who was very good at pommel horse but he didn’t have huge muscles. At the time I reasoned that pommel horse doesn’t take much strength based on that observation, but we were little kids back then - now I know that it does take some strength, even for pommel horse:)

Dec 10th Update: I did 30 circles in a row yesterday. I think I’ll take the top off and put it on the floor once I can do 50 circles easily in the elevated configuration. I figure I’ll be in good shape when I can do 75 circles with the top on the floor. I remember having a “50 circle club” and a “75 circle club” in college, and I was the only one in the “75 circle club”. Of course that was circles on the pommel horse, not a mushroom - that’s why I want to put the top on the floor, to more closely replicate the circle I’ll need on the horse.

Dec 13th Update: I did 40 circles today, but after 35 I was barely making it around. I’ll need to pick up speed before I take off the top and put it on the floor

Dec 16th Update: I was feeling good last night and did 45 circles after a short warm up. I’m hoping I’ll get to 50 this week, and then I’ll see how many I can do with the top on the floor.

Dec 18th Update: I made it to 50! I was really pushing it after about 40, but determination wins over weakness:) I’ll take the top off when I try it next.

Dec 23rd Update: I took the top off and tried doing circles with the top on the floor. After about five tries I was able to do six in a row, while Demitri and Eden took turns rolling each other around in the base.

Dec 25th Update: Yesterday I made it to 15 circles with the top on the floor, but when I tried to stop I was going too fast and hurt my pinky toe pretty bad (it turned purple).  Based on my previous experiences with twisted ankles, I tried soaking my toes in warm salt water for 15 minutes.  That helped a little bit, but it still hurt too bad to put my shoe on and walk on it.  So later I made a healing paste (made from turmeric and salt, see link above for more details) and covered my toe with it.  I was happy when I awoke this morning at 3:30 to assemble Christmas gifts and it was starting to feel a bit better.  By the time I went back to bed at 6am I was walking on it without problems, and later when I got up to see the kids open gifts it felt good enough to walk around in my shoes again.  It has continued to feel better all day, even when I spent some time raking leaves outside.  I am very impressed, since I hurt that same toe on the trampoline when I was about 10 years old and it was several days before it really felt better then (I think all I did back then was ice it).

Jan 7th 2009 Update: I was feeling good this morning and decided to do some mushroom circles again. After warming up with a set of dips and some jumping on the mini tramp I bought Candice for Christmas I cleared some space (amidst the toys that have filled the basement since Christmas) and made it to 20 with the top on the floor. I had a few false starts before I decided to focus on my extension, that made a big difference - circles on the floor are not possible (at least not more than a few) without good extension. I hear a baby awake, time to make lunch:)

March 1st 2009 Update: Yesterday I warmed up with some jumping on our mini-tramp and playing with the kids, then I cleared a space and did 26 circles before slipping on part of a rug that flipped up over the mushroom top. I had intended to do 30, but I guess I was going fast enough to pull up the end of a rug (it’s rather thin) and slipped on it. Next time I’ll make sure I clear out the rugs as well as the toys.

Oct 25th, 2009 Update: We moved twice since the last update, and now we are living back in Phoenix, within driving distance of Aspire, where the current 20+ member ASU men’s team practices. Scott let me come and play on the equipment a bit recently (during open gym) with a couple of my kids, and we had a great time. I was inspired to get my body in shape so I could do more when I go next time. So this past week, after about 7 months “off”, I got back on the mushroom again (after warming up sufficiently), and did ten circles. I figured I could do that everyday, so I planned on increasing the number of circles by 5 everyday.

By the third day I began slipping off the mushroom (I was trying to do 20 at this point), and since my hands were sweaty I tried putting baby powder on them (I don’t have chalk, but we’ve had baby powder on hand at my house for the last 7 years). This dried my hands (and made them smell pretty good too!) but it actually made it harder to stay on, not easier. I guess baby powder helps baby butts get smooth, not just dry.

However, I was determined to do my 20 circles so I reasoned that if I keep my balance well enough in my circles and maintain tight form, I should be able to do as many circles as I want. So I focused on staying tight and level in my swing and was able to do 20. I had the idea this week to challenge the current ASU team to a circle contest (on the pommel horse, not the mushroom), so I am working towards that goal now.

Nov 21st 2009 Update: I got up to 74 circles on my mushroom early this week and subsequently planned to be at the team practice on Saturday for a circle contest. I learned that I could stop slipping off the mushroom by washing my hands and drying them beforehand. Today was the circle contest, my first time on a pommel horse in probably 5 years. Add me as a friend on facebook to see a video of my circles on the horse. I only made it to 46 on the horse, but I had a great time getting the team psyched up. Now I will take of the top off my mushroom and do circles with it directly on the floor. I plan to go back to the gym for a rematch once I can do 75 with the top on the floor, in a few weeks.

Dec 11th 2009 Update: I got up to 41 circles with the mushroom top on the floor early this week and then I realized that even from the beginning I was bending my legs in the back to keep from scraping the ground with my toes. I realized that my wrists need to be more flexible for me to be able to keep my legs straight and extended fully. So I will take my own advice and spend more time stretching than doing circles for the next few weeks. I hope to get to 75 with the top on the floor within a month or so, but I want to do circles with good form.

Hello again,

After a several month hiatus I’ve been inspired to add to this blog again.  I will start by introducing my easy button.  I’m including a picture of it below for those in other countries who aren’t familiar with Staples or their USA based advertising themes.  I mentioned it to a client of mine in the U.K. and although they have staples there he hadn’t heard of it.

When you push the button there is a recording that says “That was easy!” - I have it on my desk and push it whenever I figure out a solution to something or get done with a task I set for myself.  It helps me to feel confident that I can do anything, because everything is easy once I figure it out:)

Candice has one in the kitchen, and I tell Kayin (our 6 yr old) to take mine with him whenever he complains that he can’t do something - like when he says he can’t get to the next level in a video game.

If you go to staples.com and search for easy button you can get one yourself if you want - they even have one in spanish now.